An angry poem I wrote for my mom

So, I wrote a little angry poem for my mom. I just figured it'd feel better to share it somewhere. It's got a bit of foul language, and it's got a slight bit of anger towards the Christian religion, so don't get offended if you read it. I have nothing against the religion itself. I'm just discussing the branch of it that I grew up in which I won't mention the name of in case anyone here is part of it. It also has a slight reference to rape and abuse, so if you don't want to read something that discusses such a topic, you're not going to want to read this. Anyway, here goes. I named it "Where?"

I was with a man for three years who hurt me everyday. And the first time that he hit me, I just laughed it off, and I thought that I was wrong for being sensitive, because mommy and daddy always told me, although not in so many words, that a woman should know her place, and a man should keep her there. When he'd raise his hand, I would lower my head, because mommy and daddy always taught me that it was a woman's fault, even if she did nothing wrong. SHE shouldn't try to provoke. It takes two to start a fight, even though it was only him that raised a hand or even a voice, because when he raised his, mine always seemed to vanish. Mommy always told me that GOD said that I was to submit, and submission meant that when he told me where to go and what to wear and what to do, it only meant he loved me. Mommy once said that if I married an abusive man, it was MY fault for picking him, and GOD DEMANDED that I stay. Otherwise, I'd go to hell, as if I wasn't already there. Mommy and daddy always taught me that a man was to work and a woman was to spread her legs and just make him the damn sandwich, even if she couldn't fucking do it right. Mommy and daddy always fought, and daddy threatened mommy while mommy took it out on me; but I was going to hell, because I don't believe in a god that she used to manipulate me everyday. I couldn't leave my house on Wednesdays and Sundays, because that was god's day; and I might be late for church. On the other hand, it was perfectly okay when mommy called me a stupid bitch and told me I deserved to be abused. God said to respect your parents, but apparently don't ignore the fact that your daughter would rather die than go back home was somehow left out of every sermon that my local preacher preached. I was a shame, because I was an atheist in a "Christian" home, and mommy telling me I was worse than a white supremacist just because "at least they believe in something," was alright. Somehow, the fact that I don't believe in god was the biggest sin that happened in that home. The fact that I don't believe in the almighty was why I was going to hell, but yet, my mother could threaten to slap me out of my house because of something that I can't help but not believe. All I knew about him was that my mother used him to make me behave. Because, god loves you, but only if you act like a lady and not a WHORE. But where was god when you slapped me less than a week after I got my wisdom teeth out, before I was even allowed to go back to school, just because you "THOUGHT" I rolled my eyes? Where was GOD when daddy started telling me I was fat before I even graduated elementary school? Where was GOD when it caused me to go days without eating? Where was GOD when my big brother used to come home drunk and throw me around like a doll who was broken and going to be thrown out soon anyway? Where was GOD when you told me that if I didn't act better you would just have to throw my grandmother in the nursing home even though there wasn't a goddamn thing wrong with her? Where was GOD when all I needed was some love? Where were you when all I needed was a mom? Where was daddy when all I needed was an example of what type of man I should go for? Oh, yeah. He was probably off not giving a fuck about his family. So, yeah. Maybe I lost faith, but I sure as hell lost a lot more than just that; because where was anyone when I got raped? Where was anyone when I thought that, too, was my fault? Where, because I saw no one; and it seems that no one EVER Saw ME, and especially not you or your "god."