Sorry it’s so long!!

My twins are 10 days old today, and I’m in constant pain from my damaged nipples. Three different lactation consultants at the hospital said how good their latch was, but by the time I figured it out the damage was done already, and it only got worse. I love breastfeeding them, and was lucky enough to figure out from the very beginning how to do the tandem feeding, but at this point I’m dreading putting them to breast. I pump a lot. Every pumping session produces just enough for the next feed, so I pump and pump and pump. The nipples started to hurt when pumping too, though not as bad as when trying to breastfeed.

I can’t see how I can heal the nipples, if every day I reopen the wounds up to 6-7 times. I use lanolin before and after pumping, I smear my milk over and let it air dry whenever possible (as much as possible, since one or both of my breasts are constantly leaking), and I tried the Medela hydrogel patches - nothing really works.

I felt bad offering the really scabbed nipple to my girl yesterday, because it’s so hard and crusty, that I wouldn’t want to have anything like that in my mouth! But I do want to breastfeed at least once a day while healing, so they don’t get too used to bottles.

I was devastated last night when both refused to take my breast on the first offering. And then I cried in pain and joy when they did a few hours later. Yep, I am an emotional wreck with all the pain and the thoughts of not being able to give them what they need :(

It seems that after I pump it’s easier for the babies to latch on, and the scabs are softened. But what’s the point of that?

Last night I’ve read about motherlove nipple cream and ordered it from Amazon. I think I’m ready to try anything that can relieve the pain and give me a chance to continue breastfeeding, or at least pumping for them. Please help!