im not okay

im not depressed luckily i haven't reached that point again. im just hurt and disappointed. sucks how you can love someone and not notice they are into someone else or in this case multiple people. i was blinded by thinking everything was good and happy but in reality theres a whole other side to the story. now that ive seen that side i cant unsee it. all the signs are obvious now. i take responsibility for all of it maybe if i was different he would only want me. i wish i could dress how i want and do makeup but i cant its not financially possible so i guess what he doesnt see in me he gets from the others. now i just smile and act like im fine when inside my brain is going crazy thinking about all this nonsense.itll get better. it has to.