Why am I like this?

The ones we love hurt us the most. Things they do, things they say. They don't understand why you get so upset. It tears you into a billion tiny pieces. Lies, blame, fear. These are a few things I feel on a daily basis. Lies; why? why would you do that? You knew how it would make me feel. Blame; how? How could you do that to me, why would you say that. Fear; am I going to be left alone for my beliefs? I do everything I'm asked to do and the one thing I've been asking for a year, you can't because you don't want to. It's bullshit. I'm fucking done. I can't deal with the lying anymore you want to watch porn??? Fine do it without a wife cause I give up. I'm obviously not very important because the second you get alone it's hello pornhub or redtube or xxnx. I'm fed up I deserve better than this stupid shit I told you how it made me feel and quite frankly if you continue to watch step brother and sister porn I don't know that I can be around you! That's sick. I can't even count how many times this has affected our marriage. You don't care you'll delete it (your history) for a few weeks then you done even bother. I can't do this anymore. I'm done trying.