Hi all, I have been in a relationship for almost 5 months and I love my SO very deeply in fact I love him so much I've changed almost everything about myself to be good enough for him. I stopped hanging out with my friends, I changed the way I dress, I stopped drinking almost completely yet I still feel unworthy of his love. Last night I was overwhelmed with being alone waiting for him to get home so I went out with friends and have a few drinks and had somewhat of a good time. Now my friends don't approve of my relationship because my SO is 12 years older than me and very jealous they think my relationship is toxic and I've always ignored them Bc it's not true. That night I was driven home and my depression kicked into overdrive and I felt so hopeless and scared of myself. I held on until he got home and he looked at me with such disgust and he asked me to get the fuck out and to pack all my things. I was in hysterics and I kept repeating the words save me please help me, but he looked at me so coldly and said that I wasn't worth saving. With that I took the Swiss Army knife I had on my keychain and I kept hacking away at my skin and he didn't even try to stop me. I grabbed my things and walked outside I had nowhere to go and my arm was in seeing pain from all the cuts so I called my brother and he took me the ER and all I could think about was how I am undeserving of love and not worth saving, in the ER I got a panic attack that sent my heart rate through the roof and my brother watched as the nurses tried to help me but all I wanted was my SO and I knew he didn't want me back. I feel so hopeless and lost. I need support to get through this. Please help me.