Pregnant and feeling empty.

I lost 2 pregnancies. Justice Trent JR at 15 weeks on August 23rd 2016. Eleanora Louise at 21 1/2 weeks on May 6th. The day after my birthday. I got pregnant again 3 months after I lost Ella. I didn't want to get pregnant again until I moved. A condom broke and now I am 14 weeks. Part of me feels numb and empty . I stopped following pregnancy rules. my first pregnancy I followed every rule. My second I followed a few. With the exception of medication, drugs and alcohol I do what I want. Its like I feel what happens happens. I say "if the baby lives."" If the baby makes it to next week." I am tired. My fiances parents are horrible and we live with them. We need money to get home to Missouri. We have a home, land and jobs waiting. I feel that the pain and fear and sadness will be lifted once I am home. I dont have a job. My fiance works so hard he hurts himself just for change to pay rent. We are both tired. I was told all pregnancies I have will be high risk. They can only guess at what happened with my daughter. I want to go home.