Well, I’m going home tomorrow. The beginning of this year I moved to another country. Right before I left (I think about two or three nights before I left) I had a dinner with my family. I got to give everyone hugs and kisses. The day I left for the airport I seen everyone again except my grandpa. He couldn’t make it to see me and by time I left the house if I went to him I’d have missed my flight. I was crushed. He’s older. He has a lot of health issues. I felt in my heart “what if the other night was it? What if that’s the last time I get to see him?” It bothered me the whole way to Asia. During my stay here I rarely got to speak with him. Being older he hasn’t got much tech sense. Granted he has his cell phone (which he’d usually have ME help him with) and a laptop he played his games on. I’d have to rely on other family to get in contact with him to relay messages and that was just as he’s since he rarely answers his phone. Fast forward to a few months ago he landed in the hospital. Multiple issues. Back and forth yet he always overcame it. Now it’s one issue after another. I planned the whole time to go back home to visit for a few weeks around Christmas. Since October it’s gotten worse for him, and he was given a diagnosis of dementia amount multiple other bad things. I figured if he didn’t ask about me or bring me up it’d be better if no one else did. If I couldn’t get to him, I’d be heartbroken imaging him laying in a bed somewhere asking for me wondering why I’m not there. Now I was told he was given his last rights. He’s refusing IV. Won’t eat or drink so it’s really only a matter of time. I booked my flight. I have my transport set up. I cleaned EVERYTHING in this house and did all the laundry I could. I’m currently packing and trying to cook a few meals to keep in the house for my husband to have some stuff. I heard he’s asked where I was. He remembers me. So now I HAVE to see him. I will not let him leave thinking I didn’t care. I cared more than he’d know. It’s just hard since I watched my mother die. I watched my grandmother die. I don’t want to keep this pattern. Doesntmatter what iwant though. I know he wants to see me deep down, so that’s what I’ll do. I won’t feel right if he passes and wonders why I haven’t come to see him. If I can’t be home for the holidays it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I have to be there FOR HIM.