This is gonna be very long, I'm sorry!

(It's to give context and I think there's a variety of things to consider. Knowing me as a human being also may be of help).

so, It's something I've been pondering for a while and I'm not sure if I'm aromantic and maybe little asexual.

(I'm also not sure of the entire spectrum here, so definitions would be super helpful!!) 

So, I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship, never "really" dated, never had a partner (boyfriend), never had sex, etc.

I have kissed before & have been intimate (there's only been 1 guy ever: we saw each other a few times total over 4 months).

And I know definitely have aesthetic attraction, have preferrencs, etc.

And I know I like masterbating.

Other info about me: I tend to relatively  dislike close proximity with other people, like being able to smell their breath. I tend to dislike casual gestures like a hand on the shoulder or pat on the back. It tends to be invasive and almost like "repulsive" yet not quite that strong. Same type of bodily reaction though.

I also feel like I tend to keep to myself. I'm never touchy.

The guy: the kissing was ok, kind weird (which is understandable bc he's the only one I've ever kissed) but I felt absolutely nothing. No emotion, no sensitivity, no anything. Just an empty gesture.

When were intimate (once), even though i did get wet, again, I felt absolutely nothing. No romantic or sexual attraction. Or anything.

Also while leaning against him during movies was something I did not like at ALL. Like yes, I've never been close to anyone else before, but I still didn't like it.

And yes, it could have just been this guy. (He was also very tall and built kinda big (not fat), while I'm small and short. From this, I found out that if i have a large size difference with the person, it's a total turn off for me. They may be attractive, and I may be aesthetically attracted, but getting all physical is a huge turn off. (This was a nice discovery for me). 

so the main thought I'm circling around is that I think I like the "idea" of having a relationship. When I'm attracted to someone and try to imagine having a relationship with them, i can't see it happening whatsoever. (Even if I try imaging the person and I were really good friends and knew it each other well.)Here, then, I'm now considering my drive to keep relationships in general and how I am with people in my life:

By nature, I'm also an extroverted introvert, so i am very comfortable with myself and relatively comfortable by my self. I tend to keep to myself and don't really hang out with people as often compared to others. I still like hanging with the very few friends I have, that I actually am at the point where I hang out with them outside of class. I like meaningful conversation and interact with people.

I'm slightly a workaholic, and rather be cozy at home than at parties which is definitely not my type of scene.

My drive to keep relationships also (I think) tends to be lacking. I don't really push to hang out with people, text, or call people.

I also distance myself emotionally from others. While being able to empathize with others, I tend to be indifferent at the same time. I may laugh a lot and at a lot of things, be quite cheerful too when I'm around people, but I keep my emotions, real feelings, and real things about me away from people, i.e. I withhold the "full story" a lot. 

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Again, sorry this was so long! i may have brought in other things/topics that may not be necessary to include! 

I'm just super confused with myself.

And I do think it may be just I'm not finding the "right guy".

I haven't talked about this with anyone so it would be super helpful to hear from other people's perspective about my situation, it'll help me reflect and see in a different way.

Thank you so much in advance!!