I’m shattered, but motivated at the same time. It’s a strange feeling. When I miscarried the first time my heard was torn right from my chest. Just sadness flooded me like never before. Today I miscarried from my baby at 6 weeks. For those who think its soon, so did I. I was torn yes but I thought ti myself it’s really small, it might have been too small to copy again, but when I wiped and I saw a little strip of what was once a growing embryo with its little tail and it’s shadowed eyes... my heart froze. It took all of me to flush it down the toilet because I felt sad. When I flushed that’s when my heard really broke. I never got to see my first miscarriage it must have washed down with all the blood that drops in the toilet. I had never seen it up close, deformed by formed at the same time.

I send the warmest of hugs to those people who are battling through their miscarriage/s, and the best of luck those who are working their way through the first trimester, scared.

Why I’m motivated? When I flushed the tiniest part of me... I broke yes, but I realized how much I loved such a small thing that has been with me for such a short time... and how it lite my life for those short weeks. Forever in my heart and mind.

Along with her/his love and memory, I refuse to fall, my partner as well as myself will fight with love and strength to bring a child that will light up my world as much as that little piece of me did.

Baby dust for those who are just looking around in this group and trying, strength to those fighting and love to all.