Hello ladies,

I am currently 23 weeks pregnant with my first child.

I am extremely happy, anxious, terrified and joyful to be bringing my own seed to life.

Although I’ve been very emotional the whole time.

I was with the father on and off for three years.

I say on and off because he’s literally physco.

He lies, he cheated, he’s pretty much a narcissist.

I would leave him and he would do crazy things like call me 200x on anonymous.

Go to my job and wait for me outside follow me on his motorcycle. (This was towards the end)

All while still fucking other bitches.

We finally broke up in March. I was of course sad but more pissed that I waisted my fucking time on him.

As the days went on he would call me all the time. He truly never left me alone for good.

I continued to ignore his calls. He knew I was going to be in Mexico for a vacation that week so he went to Mexico as well and took a picture of my car at the border.

In May/ June one of his mistresses of 14 years messaged me and apologized for everything that she had done to me.

Saying she finally sees she was in the wrong for not believing me that I was legitimately his girlfriend of two years.

She then processed to tell me that he’s been with this new chick and has been living with her since the time him and I broke up.

She sent me screenshots of which I seen the prof and him and her in Mexico the same time I was in Mexico.

I got so fucking mad I messaged the new girl and showed her proof of everything. I sent voicemails where he’s crying on the phone for me, asking me to move away with him. Just so much shit but this girl legitimately did not believe me.

I left him alone and in June I got a call from him crying late at night and I just listened I didn’t do anything else but listen. He asked me to go to breakfast with him the next morning and like a dumb ass I did.

He told me the new girl was a mistake. He loves me and he’s so sorry he put me through everything. He was being so romantic which is a something he NEVER does.

So I kind felt a little something in my heart for him (call me stupid )

We continued the whole month of hanging out.

We went on dates again, staying over , going to the lake which was one of the best days of our entire relationship because we both cut the crap and were honest with each other.

We went home that night and continued the fun.

A couple days later the new girl messaged me and asks if I’m still talking to him.

I told her yes and I found out she was in the military and moved to California to THEIR NEW HOUSE and was WAITING ON HIM TO COME IN JULY.

I went off and was like wtf dude why can’t you ever be truthful. He wanted his cake and cookies too.

On June 29 I took a pregnancy test as he was leaving the state because my period came but it wasn’t Red it but dark dark brown.

So I got concerned and found out instantly that I was pregnant with his child.

He still calls every day and for awhile it was every morning, lunch , break and on the way home. He told me he was coming back that money was an issue and he needed time.

He needed a place because her daughter was living at his house and he didn’t want to kick her out.

Well recently he called me and said she asked him to marry her so he could have medical benefits.

I flipped , I cried , I lost it.

I messaged her and went off on her for using the government to keep him. She mentioned to me that he’s the one that asked and picked out a ring.

((His excuse to me is that he is using her for military purposes so he can get all his medical problems fixed and he’s out after her “mission” is over in a year. (October 2018) he swears up and down on this and continues to say it to me daily. ))

So I blocked everyone in his family and her and decided him being around this child isn’t for the best.

But of course me being pregnant, a cancer , emotional and completely mind fucked retarded I let him slither his way back in.

Now we just discus our child.

He still calls morning and throughout the day but I try my best to stay strong.

But I feel as if I’m losing it.

I don’t know how I’m going to raise this child on my own even though I’ve been alone this entire time.

I’m nervous because I don’t want him to try any funny business but then again I want my child to have it’s father in their life. But with all the lies and how he tells me he loves me all the time I’m completely lost.

I know that his love isn’t love and I’m so sad that I’m pregnant all alone. I don’t get the cute maternity family photos of the couples pregnancy classes. Someone to rub my belly at night and bond with the baby.

It’s really getting to me and now all I do is just cry.

I probably should mention I’m a cancer so I’m already an emotional sensitive woman but this shit is ridiculous.

By the way he’s 46 and I’m 25(just in case if you’re reading that story and something don’t make sense)

So my question is how did you let go of someone who you’re still in love with and pregnant with their child?