Baby Shower ?????

I really want to have a baby shower so bad 😕 but the thing is that I don't know how to throw my self a shower. I don't have any female family close to me. I feel really sad when I see everyone getting surprise showers from their family members and I'm over here like

I mean I don't mind paying for it and doing everything my self but I don't even have anyone to help me out on hosting it or doing the decorations.

I had my sister but it's been a year since she disowned me. My mother left when I was 2 yrs old and my husband's mother is in another country. I think it's a bit pathetic to throw my self a shower:(