Am I being selfish??😩

Question

Long story short.. my partner has a 6 year old boy.. I knew this for years (as was friends for 4 years before being together) I love children been around them all my life.. having his son every weekend was never a problem I’d make sure it was amazing every weekend he come over. Then the ex come along and started texting more often and I told him ‘she misses you’ he obviously didn’t believe me.. so I just sat and waiting for the day she told him..and obviously she did.. I wasn’t threatened by her in anyway I knew he didn’t want her but it still knocked me a bit and I did worry.. I got over that then not long after I had an ectopic pregnancy 😔 after I was fine with still being around his son and doing things together, but now I feel I don’t want to be.. not that I can’t be, I don’t want to be.. and every weekend having the son is getting to me.. I want to have more time on the weekends with him ( as that’s the only time we have to do anything as we both work Monday to Friday ) and I’m kind of unhappy he has a child with someone else now.. I want it more now it was taken from me but I know my child won’t have the full attention and that hurts a little. I do think I’m being quite selfish about the whole thing but I just want my child to have all the love from it’s dad when the time is right.. hearing someone else call him dad hurts me sometimes..😔 I know it’s not his sons fault and not once have I made any of this obvious to any of them.. does anyone think I’m being seriously childish and inconvenient?

Answer

This is why loss is hard. We never know how we’re going to react/cope until it happens to you. It also hits everyone different. It’s okay to feel the way you do as they are your feelings and you are entitled to them. But as long as you keep those feelings at bay and realize they are a reaction to your loss you will be able to recover just fine. 
You will also be able to conceive here soon to a healthy baby and I’m sure once that happens the negativity will vanish.

Answer

I think its childish, his kid will be in his life forever, as u can see he has an ex, women come and women go, I'd never put a man before my kids... I do get that u feel crappy cuz u don't have a child of your own together, and once u guys do I think u may feel a bit better.

Answer

Wow... I'm in the opposite end. My husband has actually raised my son as his own since 7 months (he's almost 10). When I read this I thought of him saying this to me, and how much it would paralyze me. Our son and his relationship with him, is equally as important as his relationship with our daughter. This would crush me, as I love my children equally; and i have always been extremely thankful that my husband has as well. My son doesn't see his biological father, but my husband has worked his butt off the past three years paying for legal fees and attorney fees, not to mention zero child support. 
I think if you REALLY want to be with this man, you need to form your own relationship with his son. Learn to love him as your own, so when you do create a child with him, this becomes a family unit! I personally hate the word step or half, even in my childhood those terms were unacceptable. You want weekends alone with him, but you want a child with him? That's confusing.

Answer

honestly it sounds like you need to be with a man that doesnt have any previous children. it sounds like you want the attention to stay within your own house hold, meaning your boyfriend and a child you gies would have together. and its nothing wrong with that, but in this situation he has a child from someone else already. you seem very territorial when it comes to the time spent with your boyfriend. your saying you dont want his son to come over but you cant do that, how would you feel if you had a child and your childs father said oh our child cant come over because my new girlfriend doesn't want them over here. you would want your childs father to have a relationship with him or her no matter who he is dating. it seems that you only want him to love and spend majority of his time with the child that you gies would have together. maybe im interpreting that part wrong when you said you want your boyfriend to love his child when the time comes. if having his son over every weekend  bothers you now it will bother you later on down the road, his son isn't just going to disappear. sometimes we cant handle being in a relationship with people who have kids already, it can be tough. i know you said that those feelings weren't there until after you  had an ectopic pregnancy buttt you shouldnt let that change or effect the relationship with his son because if you do have a child with your boyfriend his son still isn't going to go away and you would have to find a balance of raising his son and your child together. maybe you should just reevaluate and really decide if you can handle being in this relationship because you dont seem to happy with his son coming over every weekend and that shouldnt change just because you are feeling some type of way...

Am I being selfish??😩

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