I'm losing my mind 😱

My SO has been trying to get me pregnant honestly since I gave birth to our son who is now 1 years old (17months) and my SO is totally against buying a pregnancy test. But, I just really need to know. I want to go and buy one behind his back but I'd rather not ignore his feelings. I have had every symptom accept sore breasts. I'm almost two weeks late, I've been very nauseous,dizzy,fatigued,bloated,crampy and everything. I feel very pregnant but I just don't understand why he doesn't want to know. He says "don't rush Gods plans" I'm afraid since my last pregnancy was high risk that by waiting for honestly idk what, if I am pregnant something might go wrong. With our son I had an asthma attack and found out I was pregnant at the hospital. So he believes when god wants us to know he will tell us. I'm so conflicted I need advice

UPDATE: I got a BFN today I was making dinner my boyfriend came in to hug me and burst into laughter picked me up excited because I'm lactating yes my boobs are leaking milk. I honestly don't know what to think. And I didn't tell him about the BFN because now I'm just lost.

Symptoms:

Nausea

Vomiting

Dizzy/lightheaded

Bloating

Bigger appetite

Craving foods I normally wouldn't eat

Heightened sense of smell

Constipation/diarrhea

Fatigue

Cramps

Pelvic bone aches

Gas

Late period

Heat flashes

Back aches

Tiredness

Lactating

Advice still needed