I found out this past week that our two year journey of trying to conceive is officially over. I have a daughter from my first marriage. She has Down syndrome and is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Her father and I divorced when she was only 2. He couldn't handle the stress that came along with raising a child with special needs and I'll admit I devoted almost all my time to her. Anyway I remarried 3 years ago to an amazing man that has been apart of our lives since my DD was 4. She is now 11 and more diva than either of us can deal with at times! My husband has never had any children of his own so we started trying two years ago. Since getting off BCP I have had awful periods and lots of spotting in between. I dropped my GYN when he wouldn't listen to me about the significance of my periods. When I got a second opinion he ran tests, ultrasounds, etc. He discovered that I was suffering from a very large submuccosal fibroid. I had a myomectomy in May of '16 to have it removed. Two months later symptoms returned. Heavy periods, excruciating abdominal cramping, and fatigue. Then, all of a sudden my sometimes 40+ days of bleeding stopped. I went 60 days with no period. After contacting GYN he started me on progesterone to kickstart my period. It took 3 weeks to start and lasted about 10 days. Two months later, same thing. No period. At my yearly appt ,which also happened to be one year since my myomectomy, he ordered a vaginal ultrasound. Just as I had suspected, another fibroid except this one was embedded into the lining of my uterus so deep that a myomectomy wouldn't get it. My GYN said that he wanted to try the progesterone once more and go from there ( he knew I still wasn't giving up on TTC). Same results. One month of bleeding and two months of no period. Now back to present and I'm back at the GYN for a follow up on my options. The fibroid is progressively getting larger at what my GYN denotes is at a remarkable rate. At this point I'm broken. I'm 35 and in graduate school suffering from chronic back pain caused from my first pregnancy. With a heavy heart I ask what my options are knowing that none of them are what I want to hear. An endometrial ablation is the first option. He explains to me that with this procedure and the progressiveness of my fibroids I'm looking at another surgery in 5 years tops. Next option, vaginal hysterectomy. Without hesitation I tell him that I'm a one and done type of person. He explains to me the surgical procedure and what all it entails with regard to recovery etc. I'm in a fog at this point. I meet the surgery scheduler to set up the date for my vaginal hysterectomy. I walk outta the office to my car calling my husband which is automatic for me. I explain to him what my GYN said. The line went silent. Let me state at this point I understand that he has no children of "his" own but what he says to me next shattered me into pieces. He usually is quite supportive but said and I quote " I have no words". The conversation didn't go over well and I told him that I had to get off the phone as it was rush hour traffic and needed to focus. Before I could pull out of the parking lot he started blowing up my phone with texts. I didn't respond as I was too upset. He called and of course I answered. He was crying. He repeatedly stated he was sorry and that he knows the hell my body has been through. I accepted his apology but had to get off the phone. One because it was rush hour and two bc I was holding back tears that eventually would never come. Almost a week since this news and I'm numb. I'm not processing it. I'm not dealing with it. This is the first time I've actually sat down to express what happened and how I'm not dealing. I have to believe that God has a plan for us. He knows all and sees all. My surgery is set for Dec 27th. Please keep us in your prayers.