Mixed up feelings


Due 28th and can honestly say I now hate being pregnant. 😫 My pregnancy hasn’t been straight forward (albeit I’m sure it’s not as bad as some). I became single at 15 weeks and still have never really had a proper explanation why. Baby was planned and we had a real shot at a bright future together as a family. I’ve had no financial, emotional or physical support apart from medical professionals. I have been quite depressed most of my pregnancy and have been diagnosed with SPD which is also an emotional strain as it takes me so much longer to do things that you would normally take for granted. I don’t think I’m scared of labour itself but I am apprehensive and scared of what will happen after baby is born with ex-partner. I have an appointment in Wednesday to discuss being induced but I have a funny feeling they will turn me down and I know I’m going to be gutted. I’m not sure I want anyone to be in the hospital with me as I’m not sure how I am going to react. I really want my baby in my arms but I am petrified that because if everything I have been through that I won’t be good enough. I have been told that I will never cope on my own with a child, house, job and car and with everything else that’s happened I think I’m starting to believe it. I had a good day yesterday and cleaned the house from top to bottom and cleaned out my car in the hope labour would start. Today I regret it as I am in agony and it never worked. I’m desperate now. I have tried every old wives tale in the book! Everyone tells me “it’s not long to go now though” but that makes me so angry as they are not the ones going through this and have no idea how it feels. I honestly feel like one more day will break me. I just really want my baby so I can give myself the best chance at being a good mother as I think any longer will leave me in a state where I will not recover physically or mentally. I don’t know whether I am coming or going and could tear my hair out. 😢😢