Thanksgiving and I’m crying.

I married the most narcissistic person I’ve ever met. Which says a lot because my mom is a drug addict who used people’s emotions and feeling to get sympathy for her illness. I work 10 hour days 5 days a week then come home and I’m the only person who takes care of our daughter. I pick her up from the sitter after work , I feed her, bathe her, play with her, put her to bed, and wake up with her all night. I try really hard to keep our house clean and come January I’m going back to school to make a better life for her. And I get called lazy regularly. If a certain pair of pants are clean for him to wear, if I ask him for help with the baby so I can get something done, if the dishwasher isn’t loaded in the time frame he thinks I’m told I’m lazy and he has to do everything. Which he never does anything but complain when things aren’t at his standard. When I say I’m done he responds back with “of course the child of divorce wants a divorce.” I’m so tired of being seen as the child of divorce and I’m so tired of being guilted into staying with him. I know he’s abusive. He’s even put his hands on me. He’s shoved me and fright after our daughter was born he put me in a choke hold and I stayed because I’m scared and weak and broken. I don’t know what to do anymore. I know I need to get out for my baby I’m just so scared and I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want my baby girl going through that. I should have left a long time ago. Better yet I should have listened when my dad told me I could do better because I can and when I demand respect from him I’m told I’m a bitch. How do you get the strength to leave because the last thing I want is my baby seeing me cry on thanksgiving.