My relationship is a mess but I don't want to give it up

I am in a toxic relationship. I am aware of that already. We are both bad for each other but we are also really good for each other. We make each other the happiest that we have been in our good times and make each other miserable in our bad times. We have a baby on the way and both of us want our family together. I tried to leave and tell him he is better of without me but he said he didn't want to let me go. I don't want to let him go either. We decided we would work it out since we have both hurt each other in ways you can't imagine. Well something else happened the same day we decided to work it out and I know that it was my fault. I haven't talked to him and won't be able to for at least a few days at the least. I'm am sure that we are 100% done now. Every other time we have pushed each other away we have always come back to each other. I don't think its gonna happen this time. I don't knkw what to do. He is the love of my life, the father of my unborn child, and my soulmate. I don't want to be without him even though though our relationship has so many problems I can't imagine being with someone else. I'm I'm praying he doesn't leave me but I wouldn't blame him if he did.