Bad Dreams and Panic Attacks.
I had a pretty awful morning.
Last night, I had a dream that my fiancé didn't wake up. In my dream I woke up, tried to wake him up, and he wouldn't, so I went into the living room, turned on the television (I don't even watch TV) and sat there...
For 3 days. My phone had died, his phone had died. Both of our jobs had been calling us, and finally my father drove down and came to the house because my job had contacted him. He called an ambulance, one for me since I hadn't moved in days, and one for my dead fiancée. My father had to call his parents to let them know he was dead, and I was sent to the hospital.
Then I woke up. I tried to wake him up too but I was so scared, so I went into the living room, sat on my blue couch, and turned on the television. I sat there for a few hours before I finally worked up the nerve to go back into the bedroom.
I crawled into bed, put my head on his chest and said, "Honey, you have to wake up," and he sleepily replied,"No, let's just lay here."
So we did. And after a while I just completely lost it. I told him about my dream but as I was telling him it felt increasingly more real and I started thinking,"Oh god. What if I fell asleep and I'm dreaming but he's dead. Oh god. Oh no. He's dead, he's dead!!"
And I couldn't keep it together. I completely broke down and turned into a monstrous mess of sobs as tears and hyperventilating into pieces.
After an hour of ,"baby look at me, I'm real. I'm awake. I'm not dead" and me just sobbing and shaking I finally came to.
I just wanted to share this with some ladies. I don't think I'm particularly stressed, we are planning a wedding, but I've never experienced such an emotional reaction.
I've died in dreams. He's died in my dreams, I've had plenty of dreams where my loved ones die, but never like this.
There's a tiny part of me that still can't tell the difference between what is and isn't real, but that just happened only a few hours ago and I think I'll be ok later.
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