Two years and almost 5 months ago..

July 1, 2015

I had an abortion at 15 weeks. My daughter had just turned two. I had just gotten in a new relationship with a new bf (we’re still together but have had our off and on phase..at the time we had been dating for 4 months)

He was overjoyed and I was scared. Very scared.

I debated it for awhile and when I told him I knew it broke his heart. He was supportive though and drove me to get the ultrasound and for the procedure.

I regret it to this very day. We’re still together and I’m scared. That I’ll never be able to have kids because God is punishing me..I question why he’s stayed with me this long. People who know tell me it’s probably because he loves me, but why? and how could he love me after I did something so horrible to us? I regret not giving him the chance of becoming the amazing father I knew he would and will be. I regret that I took the opportunity for my daughter to have a sibling. I regret not letting him experience something sooo beautiful with me because it was too soon and I was too scared.

Now when we talk about kids and marriage he says not now. I get offended and then realize I have no reason to since I was the one who did this to us.

Just like I can’t believe I’m trying to purposely get pregnant..

I need help. And I wish I could talk to him..last time we did, we were both drunk and he said he still loved me.

I just feel like a horrible sack of shit for what I did.