How It's Like To Be Ugly... UPDATE!!

I've recently noticed a pattern, and I'm really depressed and idk what to do...

I recently bought my SO a pocket pussy cuz his sex drive is higher than mine and honestly sometimes I just don't wanna have sex.. nothing personal, jist not in the mood and I thought it'd be fair for him to still get his nut so sometimes I'll randomly send him "pictures" and I've asked multiple times if he saved them and he said yes..

well, the past couple times we've had sex he's HAD to watch porn while were doing it.. I would ask him to put the phone down and he wouldn't. OK, well then the next night I didnt wanna have sex with him cuz now I feel like shit so he used his pocket pussy.. no problem, that's the reason I bought it for him.

but then he turns on porn and masturbates to a white girl (no hate!!! I love white girls but he's mentioned in the past how white girls arent his type and he doesnt find them attractive, hes into Hispanics or mixed girls, something about the skin color) so I feel not only lied to, but then itike why Tf did I send you pix for?! i looked on his phone and not one of them were saved!!!! are you kidding me?!? I feel lile he doesn't find me attractive anymore. well then I talked to him about it today and we got in a HUGE fight because he tells me everyday how "beautiful" I am but I told him actions speak louder than words you can tell me I'm beautiful all u want but u jacking off and FUCKING ME TO ANOTHER BITCH doesnt show me that u think I'm as beautiful as u tell me.. after a 3 hour fight he tells me he understnands and he's sorry and how he didn't mean it like that (porn is our thing sometimes to "spice" things up) but I still feel ugly and now all I can think about is that situation. am I wrong for thinking this?!? he knows I have CRAZY low self esteem and dont find myself attractive especially after gaining 40lbs. I'm so upset and stressed out. I understand hes sorry and he's trying to make up for it but I keep thinking about him getting off to someone else when I always send him pix.. its so hurtful and a slap in the face.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong :(

I'm horny tonight and idk what to do a part of my doesn't wanna have sex with him but a part of me is like should I say fuck it cuz I'm horny or just not do it?!

HEELLPPP!!!

(Some pix of us 👇👇👇 )

OK, I do wanna clear a couple things up, he doesnt have a porn addiction, I guess that part is my fault cuz originally watching porn was my idea and he wanted to eat me out while I watched porn to turn me on and I guess it went too far but heres the message he sent me after our talk..

and I do wanna clear it up again I promise I wasnt bashing white girls, I'm bi and LOVE white girls, its just usually not HIS preference.. just dont want anyone getting offended by that.