Splitting time during holidays

Ok, the age old problem. My husband and I have been married for 8 years, together for 10. When he was in the military we were away a lot for holidays, no were home and we live in the same town as both my in laws and my family. We usually split holidays 50/50- but now we have a baby. I don't want to drag her around all day and skip naps and make it miserable for all, so we have been hosting thanksgiving for the last 2 years. This year my husband works on Christmas Day so we're not hosting. I'll go to my moms for dinner and I was planning to go in the afternoon to spend some time with the inlaws (I felt this was very fair). My inlaws are so pissed! They're having a "big party" with extended family from out of town and expect for them to be able to meet my daughter. I'm willing to go for a few hours after my husband goes into work at 1pm- until 4 when my moms having dinner... but that's not acceptable to them, am I wrong?!?!?