Disconnected? :(

Anyone not instantly bond with their baby? I feel like a shit mom tbh, maybe it's because I'm young (20). Please also keep in mind that I have Borderline Personality Disorder along with generalized and social anxiety and major depression, so PPD is almost a certainty. *shrug* I still can't shake the lack of connection I feel with her. I mean, I love her, but something seems off, like she was just dropped off to me or something (maybe b/c I ended up having an emergency c-section after a failed 12 hour labor?) I can't shake the feeling 😕 Have all of you instantly bonded with your baby? Or does no one talk about it since it's seen as taboo? (Anyone else with bpd here or am I alone?)