abortion

Hi guys, so i just got a pregnancy test and it is positive. i have been having sex with my ex boyfriend that i broke up with over a year ago but we were still having sex. he wants me to have an abortion saying he is not ready. i do not want to have one because i know i will never be able to forgive him and myself. he says he will help me through the process and will be there for me all the way. i feel like he will but life will go back to normal for him and it will crush me for the rest of my life. i am 25 and he is 32 i had an abortion previously when i was 20 and i think about that baby everyday. we both work as registered nurses and can afford a child, he just for some reason doesnt want to keep it. Maybe it is me he just doesnt want to have a child with and i know i can eventually wrap my head around being a parent on my own. i have had a long year of life changing moments. moments where i desperately asked God to give me my purpose for life because i felt like i was just drifting by. I feel like this is God giving me a shot to have a purpose but he will not understand it when i explain it to him. please advise me. i cannot have a second abortion it feels like it would be the most selfish decision i will make...all over again. (sorry for long post)