Things I wish I knew before hand

These are just some things that I’ve learned along the way that I wish I knew before having a baby! 💜

1. Do butt exercises: you use so many muscles that you didn’t know existed trying to push that baby out! Get all the help you can get and strengthen that ass before hand.

2. Just because your cousin pushed for 5 minutes doesn’t mean you will too: 😒 2 hours of pushing later... 👶🏼

3. Do kegels: the doctor could tell I had been doing them while I was pushing. They work! 🙌🏼

4. Keep doing kegels: they helped me heal by keeping blood flowing in that area while my stitches healed and my doctor said you’d never be able to tell I had a 3rd degree tear and my husband won’t be able to feel a difference either 😉😏

5. You will walk again: it may seem like you will never walk or sit normally again.... you will.

6. Hemorrhoids f-ing hurt: if they tell you you have a hemorrhoid from pushing, buy Preparation H and slather it on that bitch (one of the reasons I couldn’t walk or sit down)

7. Drink Metamucil: do anything to soften that shit (literally) up! 💩 The quicker you go after birth the less there will be and it most likely won’t hurt. I was so afraid of going that it built up and the stool softeners didn’t do much, it was like giving birth all over again 😩

8. Steal all of the mesh underwear: steal the pads too and then ask for more mesh underwear! Also steal the Tucks wipes!

9. Buy pads with wings: when you go back to wearing your normal underwear pads with wings are just so much better. Ain’t nobody got time for blood on the sides of their underwear which is why you steal all the mesh underwear you can.

10. You will go to the bathroom like a normal person again: it seems like you’ll be using the peri bottle, wiping (gently 😳) with the Tucks pads, applying Preparation H, air drying your hoo-ha, and changing your giant pad forever, but it will get better and you will resume using toilet paper like a normal person.

11. You will shower: newborns and babies sleep. They do. Shower during one of their naps. You may not get to wash and blow dry your hair but you can at least soap up and rinse off. You’ll feel better after too. You can’t neglect yourself.

12. Sleep when baby sleeps is bull shit: if one more person tells me to do this I will slap a bitch 👊🏼. Do what you can around the house while baby sleeps so it doesn’t pile up and stress you out even more. Sleep at night while baby sleeps.

13. Buy the newborn clothes and newborn diapers: you may look at them and think there is no way that anything can fit into something this small. They can. Even 0-3 months was still too big for my 8.9lbs baby.

14. Button pajamas are the devil: trying to button up the legs of pajamas at 2am with a kicking baby is probably something they make you do over and over again in hell. Stock up on zipper jammies especially the ones from Target that zip from the bottom up.

15. Babies are born with daggers for fingernails: How do they not scratch the inside of your uterus like a scratching post?! Get baby mittens and the pajamas with built in mittens that can fold over the hands (again from Target AKA heaven/everyone’s happy place)

16. Get the Rock and Play: it’s easy to move it around and bring it places. Bring it in the bathroom while you shower, bring it in the kitchen while you cook, bring it to your parents while they babysit!

17. You will be more in love with your husband/boyfriend/partner than you ever could have imagined: watching my husband take care of our son and do everything for me literally made/makes me cry.

18. You will love this child more than you ever could have imagined: it’s ridiculous how much you immediately love this tiny little stranger thats been beating you up from the inside for 9 months.

19. You can feel your heart melt: seeing them smile for the first time (and not because they just farted) is the most amazing thing in the world. And there is nothing like being able to comfort and soothe your crying baby.

20. You can do it: some days are harder than others, but you can do it. 💪🏼