Backstory: So he cheated... back in 2013... it was bad it was full on affair didn’t know about it until later. I blindly trusted him. We’ve had some big ups and downs since then but mostly up. Thought we were finally solid. We now have a house. We have a baby on the way that we planned for. I’m 7 months pregnant. We’ve been happy. This week and yesterday were especially wonderful.

So this morning his phone was going off. I pick up his phone and the first thing it opens to is some girl’s Instagram page. I was annoyed I really wasn’t even mad. I said oh heck no and roll my eyes at him. He said he “hates how I micro manage his phone”. Then he got really really sad. And wouldn’t talk to me.

He had to go to a work for a bit. He completely shut me out. I thought things would be better when he got home but he was still holding me at arms distance. I had to run to the store and asked if we could talk when I got back.

When I got back he has pulled out the rum and had started drinking. Again he was super sad and didn’t want to talk.

Finally when he did talk to me he said that I’ll never really forgive him. That I don’t trust him. That he’ll always be the villain. That he’s broken me. He started crying. He said we should just start over from scratch. That he needs a clean slate.

H said he doesn’t want counseling.

He locked himself in his man cave.

He’s sleeping down there. I’m heart broken. I love him. I don’t want to quit on our marriage not now, not after all we’ve been through. How can he walk away from our marriage of 9 years? How can he walk away from our baby?

I swear I never bring up the cheating. I want to move on. Transparency as been a big issue for us. I honestly didn’t know that I was upsetting him. He acted like didn’t care. He never said I was hurting him. I’m definitely guilty of asking him who he’s talking to or texting to. I didn’t know it was this bad for him. He won’t talk to me. I know I still have work to do. I’m better than I was but I still get anxious about things.

I love him.

Today was supposed to be a good day. We were supposed to assemble the crib today 😢

I’m laying here with our dog on the bed and feeling our little one kicking...

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

I love him. I love our family.

Please say a little prayer for me and my family. I believe in him and I believe in us.