Heartbroken without being a couple?? PART 1

Sooo this is a rather long story....

So I’m currently doing a 6 month time abroad, kind of an exchange “year” in Brazil because I used to speak Portuguese but when I moved to Europe with my mom when I was little I kind of lost the language in the way so I’m just staying here with my family just to kinda relearn the whole thing. Anyway I went to school here (I finished school in July) just to have some sort of social contact. Everyone is really nice here and it was easy to make friends, I also made a lot of guy friends. But this one guy (let’s call him A) I became friends with reallly quickly. Like we immediately got along really good

So of cause my overreacting ass is immediately thinking like: oh man that could be dating potential.

Anyway in my second week of being here we all kind of got into the situation of us being all cramped up in a car and driving from a party to get McDonalds and one girl (let’s call her J) had to sit on his lap and I was sitting like RiGHT next to him and suddenly they just kissed and everyone was just like

Me: sad. But they just laughed it off

Anyway fast forward a few weeks

We’re at a friends house playing “I accuse” so it’s basically just that you accuse someone and I found out some pretty messed up shit about his sex life (everyone could tell he was extremely uncomfortable) and then they asked me: I accuse you of wanting to kiss someone here.

I said nooooooo because it would’ve Been obvious who I wanted to kiss if I had said yes you know 🙄🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

During the next let’s say four months there was a LOT of flirting and I am not even kidding. We’re writing EVERY day often even for HOURS we get along so fucking well, we have lunch together sometimes and his hand somehow would always find it’s way on my knee or thigh and I would always play with his hair

and there were two or three times where we sort of got lost and I started to really TUG his hair or his hand would really clench my thigh even though we were with friends or in the classroom or whatever and one time he got up he obviously covered his froth with his jacket and I was just like