To the bullies who put me on the butcher block,

Courtney • ER nurse. Photographer. Blessed by the best.

I understand. I understand why you cut me, tore me piece by piece. Humiliated me. Hurt me. Emotionally. Physically.

Maybe I was too quiet. Maybe it was my fault you didn’t like me. Or maybe you had something else going on that made you do these things. Want to sell people at the meat market. Cut them up. From behind. And then the head.

I know one of you had family problems. A sick sister. So you were getting your frustration out on the new girl.

One of you just didn’t like how I talked to you one day. So you strangled me. Hung me up to dry. Put me on a meat hook. And forgot about me.

The others.. I don’t know why you did these things.

Maybe it was my fault.

Maybe you didn’t like how I sat alone and read. Or would smile.

But congratulations. Because each night when you wouldn’t see me.. That smile would break. And crack. And fall off. You tore off that piece of me each night.


We have all moved on with the rest of our lives.

But. That moment in my life. I wanted my life to end. And I tried thinking of ways. But I didn’t know if I should give you the satisfaction. I was close though.

I'm glad you don’t remember. I don't want to remember.

But I still have dreams at night where I'm on the butcher block and you're cutting me up limb by limb. Tissue by tissue. And then my head.

You ripped me up. My soul. My life. Everything.

I can't have a normal human connection without thinking they will hurt me.

But I'm glad you forgot.


The girl who forgives

But can never forget