I give up

so I pretty much give up and throw in the towel it's been 9 years too long I'm not meant to have a baby and I am so tiered of getting excited about nothing and I am tiered of peeing on a stick and getting nothing but negatives I start my period in 2 days and nothing but BFN not even the slightest faint line nothing and every day all I see is pregnant girls or someone's BFP and it pisses me off I broke down and yelled at God on my way home from work and asked why why me WHY am I so horrible that I don't deserve a child why am I not woman enough to get pregnant I don't understand it at all so after I start my period I am deleting all pregnancy apps and giving up and will more than likely get on medication for depression because that's where I am headed down a long dark lonely road down