Beautiful Nightmare

I’m absolutely head over heels in love w my best friend and it’s a horrible situation because he has a girlfriend back home but he has feelings for me as well. I keep telling myself to leave it be because i’m really just allowing him to have his cake and eat it too, but it’s also the most beautiful nightmare i’ve involved myself in. it’s a lot to explain and I know I probably sound stupid, but I already know my heart isn’t ready to leave. I’ve literally tried. I’ve tried to have sex w other guys, can’t actually do it, I’ve tried to just stop having sex w him, it’s never lasted. One day it’ll fix itself.