Alone

I’m gonna sound stupid & I already hate myself for it, but I’m gonna post it anyways.

I was friends with a guy who I always thought was really cute & I liked his personality. I never flirted with him or told him because I knew he had a girlfriend. But he randomly started texting me and we just really good friends, until he hit me with his feelings. Like the dumbass I am, I fed into it. We talked on and off for about 2 or 3 years and eventually hooked up. He was my first and last. His girlfriend found out and confronted me about it and I had to lie. He continued to talk to me, but we eventually drifted. I feel like I got attached to him, not only because I liked him but he was a really great friend of mine at one point. And I honestly feel so alone. I tried to talk to other guys and it’s not the same. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.