3 years together ... he has only “hit me” 3 times and I put in quotes because it was never bad enough to leave a bruise or hurt me for longer than a few minutes ...I feel like my abuse is more emotional and I’m conflicted... I know some things I do make him mad and I should have thought before I spoke ... but I don’t deserve to be put down the way he puts me down...

the first hit was on my forehead...he was drunk and pointing his finger in my face as we were driving (I know it was dangerous but I got in the car because he was gonna leave either way and I had to make sure he would be okay) as he moved his hand to point again his finger and knuckles it me...now he didn’t remember this so I never mentioned it , I thought it would crush him if he found out

The second time he got angry at me for asking him to lower his voice more than once in public and when we got in the car someone tried cutting us off so he grabbed a bottle and tried to throw it at this car...I tried to block it and his forearm hit the side of my ribs

The latest time was also in the car...I can’t remember what caused the fight but i remember he went to go hit the center arm rest where my arm was and hit me in the arm... this was the most painful and I cried and he only apologized the next day...

On a regular basis I’m told I’m a stupid bitch, I’m fat, he hates my family, stop crying, he has threatened and i begged not to be left on the side of the freeway hours away from home...and I KNOW all of you are gonna say just leave him it’s not hard, but I love him and like I said before I do things without thinking sometimes , knowing it will make him upset so I take the blame... and it hasn’t always been this way...he is so loving and I have never felt more loved by anyone ... I want things to get better (this has all happened in one year) the first two years were magical

ALSO I want to leave him but every time I get the courage he does something that makes me remember our amazing times and I just can’t do it... I’m weak