I’m 22 & my partner is 29, we have been TTC for around a year. Before this we had a miscarriage and lost our baby. I don’t do communication well and find it just helps to write my shit down, I should really invest in a journal!

I am incredibly proud of my partner and me we have already achieved so much, but I worry that I won’t ever be able to conceive. It scares me so much. Every month I allow myself to build my hope that this month could be our month for a BFP for our rainbow baby & each month I’m let down by my body again and again.

Everyday I think of our baby we lost, asking how can a person move on from a loss like that? I think I went back to work too soon and didn’t allow myself the time I needed. I remind myself if this is how I feel how must my partner feel? The pain he must have gone through and still feels, it just breaks my heart again.

He really is an amazing guy and truly deserves nothing more than becoming a father. I want nothing more to give him that, to see him hold and love his child, to teach them and care for them, for us to grow as a family.