I don’t feel like myself most the time...

It’s Christmas and I love Christmas, but not this year... I’ve tried so hard to be in the Christmas spirit and I’ve had my good moments but for the most part I’ve just been sad. It’s the end of another year and Im still not pregnant, and the kids I’ve been helping raise for over 5 years have moved back to with their mom.

It’s been months since I felt like myself. I’m usually happy and hopeful and just ready to make the best out of the life I’ve been given, but for months I’ve felt sad and hopeless and feel like I don’t have anything to look forward to. I just go to a job I care nothing about and waste my time there feeling crappy then come home feeling crappy and wishing I could get pregnant. I wake up crying from dreams of my baby. I feel so bitter and angry and so sad. I feel so stuck.

Logically I know things won’t always be this way, but I just can’t shake how sad I feel.