Is he or isn't he? And does it even matter?

My bf of 9 yrs (2 we were split while I took care of our disabled daughter that was not suppose to live but held on till she was 2) and father of my late daughter and our now 3 yr old handful but sweet girl that he does the bare minimum with bc "he works" as a bs HVAC tech but spends most days at fun bars all over NYC and the tri-state area but conveniently doesn't do a damn thing with us yet has been caught in a kinds of lies, omissions, hairy scenarios, and disgusting behavior as far as I can tell that he should be kissing my butt for even tolerating but is very quick to forget allllll the inappropriate crappy hurtful and deceitful things he's done. I'm never the girl to go through a phone but I just had a feeling one day and that was the day my life went from happy go lucky to paranoid, disappointed, and overall shock he was "that guy" when I use to admire him for his honesty and no nonsense ways. He talked about "teaching his one female a coworker "a lesson in the back of the shop" meanwhile he's telling me how annoying and hideous she is and how he can't stand her... hmmm ironic but I'll put her aside for now and his one coworker that's his boy texts him photos of chicks at a party and he replied if he went to a pool party he'd f**k all the girls there and then the guy says s few days later he bumped into one of the whores he use to screw and my bf proceeded to say how he taught her everything and "it's been awhile so he's gotta go back soon." He's never admitted to cheating. Said all the texts between him the boys is banter and the fact he was on backpage 50+ times over the course of two years some of which I was pregnant and coincidentally in locations he's working in was nothing. Am I stupid? We've been in a terrible place since I uncovered this stuff plus the fact he got rub and tugs while before we got back together and according to his scum friend while we were together and then had him back track. We have a 3 yr old together. He owns everything, i have no money, no job, nothing to rely or fallback on if I were to leave. Regardless of whether he cheated or not he treats me like crap, drinks daily, and hasn't given me a sec to myself in 4 years bc I'm always watching our child. Like you guys don't even know the half of it after I investigated via google and I think I have the smoking gun but he denies it, and then he's always flipped on me and it's just downright disgraceful yet here I still am, praying he never meant it and feeling totally stuck and humiliated. The reason we got together the second time was bc we were working things out before my child passed away and so after my daughter unexpectedly passed and she was a free spirit and in a better place, I had this new found freedom with the ability to do what I wanted and live again plus I realize now that when my bf started coming around and acting like he cared there was someone else but my bf knew I wanted to be with him to prove to him but also myself I wasn't a liar and a-hole he portrayed me to be to justify abandoning me bc I was using opiates along with him and was scared to tell him I was pregnant and also afraid to deal with it for Myself so to get sober on my own for the sake of my child then discover she was terminally ill was an out especially bc I got him sober before I helped myself. My child's condition has nothing to do with use of opioids and there are no guarantees but the dr said that her condition had 99.9% nothing affiliated with drug use. I'm getting off topic but I want to clarify that. This post is bc I need advice, help, a slap in the face as to whether I'm blowing his verbal transgressions out of order and all the disgusting shit I found or am I deep down inside sure he is not a good guy, he's lying, and I'm just too comfortable And scared. He doesn't reason with me and I'm so tired of the "im sorry I didn't mean it." I love the line "if I cheated I'd tell you by now bc I'm so sick of hearing about it." Meanwhile I barely bring up that part of it, it's more just the Lack of care, concern, and inability to appreciate me. I was/am the ".love of his life" yet I'm dismissed and emotionally and at times physically abused. I'm lost and have no one to talk to especially since I've lost my old self and the outgoing funny and enjoyable person I was. I guess I know what to do but not sure where to start. Or am I just crazy and overreacting? My tolerance for these things is higher than most bc my parents had a similar relationship and it's not normal but sadly it's my normal. I just turned 30 and feel like I have nothing to show for it.