Trigger warning ⚠️/Long story

When I was younger my cousin that’s about 7 months older than me used to do things to me. I was always around her because my mom used to have my aunt watch me all the time. I had moved in 3rd grade but my cousin would leave for the school year and come back during summers. My mom knew about it and she never stopped taking me over there. My mom told me she knew about it when I was in the 6th grade and it shocked me because I always pushed those thoughts back. A few years later when I was in 8th grade I had a boyfriend and when my mom was at work he would show up to my house. The first few times I would tell him to go home seeing as he would just show up and he wouldn’t leave he would sit outside of my house. So I didn’t want him to be sitting outside and I would let him in. At first we would just watch Netflix and hang out and then he would try to do things to me. But I would always tell him no and he would be okay. One day I was in my closet and my closet didn’t have a lock on it and he came in there and turned the light off. It was pitch black but he pinned me down and put his hand in my pants. He wouldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to get him off. He got a phone call from his dad saying that he was on his way to pick him up and he goes: “If I didn’t get that call I wouldn’t have stopped” I was cradled up in a ball and he got up and walked out of my closet and when he asked if I was gonna walk him out I looked at him and got up. I walked him to the door and when he left I got into the shower and I just cried, I couldn’t believe what had happened and I didn’t want to. I wanted to push the thoughts away. After that I became very depressed the flashes of him and my cousin just kept playing in my mind, I stayed in my room, I barely ate. And I had started taking a lot of melatonin just to help me sleep but instead of helping me sleep I would sleep all the time. I was afraid of being awake because I thought the thoughts would haunt me. I now have moved and live in a different state (I’ve moved a lot my whole life) and I have a really good boyfriend now, he’s the only person I’ve ever given consent to and we’ve been together for over a year. However recently my cousin came to visit and I was forced to hang out with her she didn’t touch my vag or try to go in my clothes but she was still touchy and she would talk about rape and say that “we did things” when rape is a serious subject and the things she did to me I’m not comfortable with at all. I was in a really good place with myself and now she’s made my anxiety and my flashbacks come back full force, I’ve found that I’m shaking a lot and I just go through day by day being numb. I really want to get back into a good place in my mind but I’m scared that if I do these thoughts will come back again. Not many people know about these incidents, just some extremely close friends and my boyfriend. If you have any tips please feel free to offer them, I really want to be genuinely happy again.