I cheated

I am 21 now but when I was 16 i cheated on my boyfriend.

Twice. With 2 different people.

I could go into how it happened but don't care to. The 2nd guy wasn't planned. He was a trusted friend who was pressuring me into sex and I felt scared of him for some reason and thought about getting up and actually running off but he was our schools soccer star and he could run faster so I just gave into it. It doesn't justify shit though.

The first guy I told my boyfriend about.. The second guy I didn't. (I actually did tell him but not until like 3 years after we broke up) I couldn't even face him in school. I didn't ever even want to have sex with him and hated him afterwards.

I know what i did was horrible and wrong and disgusting. I hate myself for it. I was a trash can.

I grew up, learned from my mistakes. I vowed to never do that to another person ever again. I am no longer THAT girl. Once a cheater always a cheater is not always true. I have been with my so (not the HS bf) for 4 years as of January 5th and I've been nothing but loyal. I don't want to be anything else but his wife one day soon.

I have since apologized (more immensely) to my ex who is actually a good friend now who has found someone that loves him dearly which makes me so happy. I reached out and apologized again because as I get older it just hits me more what I did. He didn't deserve that. Nobody does and I was his first love and broke his heart. I hope that girl is damn good to him because he deserves that.

I know what I did was so wrong and mean and vile and I've made amends. I am nothing, nowhere even remotely close to the person I was at 16. So if you've already decided you hate me then go ahead and trash my terrible old self. That's fine. It's not who i am today or who i have been for the last 5 years.