Everyone is announcing but my baby is gone 😔

Kel • 3 January 2018👼💕 4 November 2019👼💕

It seems left and right in my due date month group on here people are announcing their pregnancies and showing off their announcements. I’m trying so hard to be happy for them but it hurts so bad seeing everyone else with due dates near mine show off their happy healthy babies on ultrasound pictures when my baby is gone. I lost my baby at a little over 11 weeks. I can’t bring myself to leave the group because it’s like admitting my baby is really gone and won’t ever be born. I left all the pregnancy groups and even the TTC groups because they hurt so much but just couldn’t with this one. I’m trying so hard every day to move on from this and be happy but my D&C; was a week ago, I’m still bleeding like a period, and I just feel so alone. My partner doesn’t understand my pain. Every night I cry for my baby; all I want is them back in my body where they belong, not in some trash somewhere disposed of as medical waste. It hurts the most knowing my precious baby was just thrown away like nothing more than garbage. I’m sorry if I’m rambling. I’m just hurting so much and it really feels like nobody understands; only my partner and one very close friend knew of my pregnancy. I feel so alone. I almost attempted to take my life about two days after losing the baby but didn’t; the only thing stopping me was I realized I didn’t have enough pills to be fatal and I didn’t wanna land in a mental hospital somewhere for a failed attempt. I haven’t considered suicide so strongly since that night but all I want is my baby again, I want to hold them in my arms. I don’t know if I believe in heaven, I’m not religious. I want to believe in it. I want to believe my baby is somewhere waiting for me. But I don’t know if I can. I just feel so alone. I have no hope, no faith, no baby, no anything.