I was so unsure about writing this , nor do I expect a response but I just needed to vent .. or see if anyone else has been or is going through my same experience.

Anyway , 12 months ago me and my partner had been TTC for 6-8 months, in the final month I stopped tracking my ovulation cycle , stopped counting days that I needed to have sex and just put the whole thing on pause as I got over the devastation after every BFN at the end of each month, and figured when ever it’s meant to be it will be !

Finally I couldn’t have cared less ! Then when my period was meant to be due I didn’t get any of my usual cramps but my boobs did ace a lot ! Took a test and BAMB pregnant !

During my pregnancy I had so many complications were my sons brain contained to much fluid in the left ventricle sac .. so I was monitored from 18 weeks + and had to go get scans done every 3-4 weeks, they thought my baby was going to have spinal bifida or Down syndrome - which would not had bothered me as I would had loved him either way ! But this did cause a lot of stress during my pregnancy so I never really got to feel 100% excited because every scan I had done they would tell me something different.. his kidneys weren’t filtering, his heart has to much fluid , I had gestational diabetes and the list continued !

At 38 weeks I went in for my midwife apt and had planned to go shopping afterwards. While on the monitor my baby’s heart rate kept dropping and rising from 68-180 and there was no steady pace nor could they pick up a base line for his heart rate. After shoving needles and drips in me they were able to steady the heart rate. After this they decided they were going to induce me as they wanted me to go natural..

they decided to give me a cox catheter and I swear to god it was the most horrendous thing I have ever done in my life !

They had to cut my cervix and shove the balloon into my cervix and fill it with water to manually dilate my cervix. The next day they broke my waters and It took 12 hrs to get to

3cm.. it was truly the most horrible pain I have ever felt..

then ! After 12 hrs , cutting my cervix and having them do what ever else !

Baby’s heart rate started to drop again which resulted in a emergency c section.

And I got to see my beautiful little 7.1 pound little squish , who was completely healthy not a thing wrong with him ! No concerns at all ! My little man had his cord wrapped around his arm and every time he pulled his arm it slowed down the circulation to him.

But after all the concerns , and worry’s and monitoring my little baby was fine !

He’s now a chubby little 3 month old and I am in love ! But also after that pregnancy... never again ! 😬