death

Am I the only one who has an obsession with death, specifically suicide? Everyday almost all day that's what my mind is thinking about, I don't even realize it half the time. I have cut/still cut, but cutting and wanting to die are two different things. When I think about it I have this fear of dying by accident, like it has to be my choice to end it. I don't understand why, but I do know that in my mind I don't want to live to be old and die from that.