Waiting

Why is the dang TWW the hardest. I feel like I'm constantly plucking a flower in my head all day: I think I'm pregnant, I don't think I'm pregnant, etc... What's worse is my due date from my most recent miscarriage is February 2nd. My DS came two weeks early so I know I would have been having a baby anytime. I would love to get a BFP to help me through this. I've had two miscarriages in the last year and a half. I'm terrified, especially after the last one because I was 12 weeks and we had saw a good strong heart beat just two weeks before going in for another U/S and being told there was no longer a heartbeat. We also only got to DTD one time during my ovulation period so I'm crossing my fingers we timed it right- getting pregnant hasn't been the problem. It's staying pregnant that I haven't managed lately. I'm just down and out.