Should I tell the dad when I go to the hospital?

Question

We arent together anymore & we don't get along very well either. He hasn't been to any of the OB appointments or been there for any kind of support the whole pregnancy . Psycically, emotionally, financially..nothing . Except to fight & cause me stress & hurt.  My family has bought everything the baby needs with no help from him or his family. Not even a hey you guys ok, what does the baby need...nada.
He's saying he wants me to let him know when I go into labor. Is it wrong that I don't want to???
I feel like having him there will only cause much stress and anxiety for me. I nearly have panic attacks just thinking about it. 
Please, any advice?!! 
I don't want to keep the baby away, but don't feel like he deserves to be there either. 
*side note he's a bad alcoholic and I never know what his mental state is going to be.
My worry: I dont call him & he finds out I'm there & shows up anyway!! Then what???  Demands to see the baby since he's the father!
He's really the type to show up and make a scene like that ! 
Please help!
I'm going crazy I don't know what to do 😢

Answer

If you don't want him there than don't say anything until after you have the baby. And DON'T put him on he birth certificate.

Answer

there's a such thing called hippa that means tell the hospital you don't want anyone to know you are there without your permission and legally they can't release that info!!

Answer

You don’t have to let him know, but even if you do, you can tell them he’s not allowed in the room. And don’t put his name on the birth certificate.

Answer

Why don’t you just text him when the baby arrives. 
You don’t need to go into detail but then just let him know you didn’t have time to text him before hand.

Answer

Completely up to you. If he wasn’t there the entire time he may not show up anyways. Keep that into consideration once you’re child is here. Don’t allow him to come in and out of its life whenever he pleases or is convenient for him. That may hurt you’re child emotionally way worse than if you told him unless he steps up now he will not be apart of your child’s life. Also giving birth is a very intimidate experience if you think he’s going to cause you stress don’t bother! Good luck

Answer

I would NOT tell him when you go into labor.  It's a delicate process and you really should only have gentle and supportive people anywhere near you at the time.  People who stress you can cause your body to literally STOP LABOR. This is not a time to mend fences, it's a time to get your baby out.  I also would only share that you are actively in labor with people who wouldn't tell him.  He can hear about the baby once baby is here safely.  Tell the staff at the hospital that you do NOT want visitors apart from the support people you designate.

Answer

It’s completely up to you and it depends on the direction you want the relationship to go. You can close doors or leave a crack so that if he ever does get his shit together he’ll know he can be in your baby’s life. But remember YOU are the one giving birth. So even if you allow him to be there he absolutely does not need to be in the room! Stay relaxed and keep telling yourself that you have control over who is around during birth. Maybe even give birth, have your hour of bonding time, and then he can come in. Whatever you decide do what’s best for your baby!

Answer

I would let him know you don’t want him there during the labor, maybe after f even decided to show up. Letting him know the baby is on the way is a nice courtesy but that doesn’t mean you have to let him be there. You do you girl . Hospitals have security for a reason

Answer

I would not say anything until after the baby arrives. Maybe tell him a few hours after once you have had time to bond and enjoy your experience without the stress he would add to the situation.  Also just be sure if you do decide that you do not want him to know that your support staff (family and friends) know not to say anything! You are the captain of this ship, make sure you don't let others dictate how things go. Do whatever you are most comfortable with!

Answer

Ask yourself: Is there any chance you guys will work things out and eventually become a family? Do you see yourself trying again? 
If you answered maybe or yes then I say you call him and let him know that way your relationship doesn’t suffer more. 
If you answered no to either question then don’t call him until after the baby is born. 
In the end it’s your decision. Don’t let anyone influence that decision. Put out positivity to the universe and allow it to return that positivity to you. He might no be there now but the baby might change his whole outlook of life.

Should I tell the dad when I go to the hospital?

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