self harm

I am 22 years old and haven't self-harmed since I was 16.

Last night my anxiety and depression were out of control, I got drunk, and I got an urge I haven't had in a long time. I cut my leg with a box cutter, and instantly felt a wave of relief.

My life is out of control, it's always getting worse and I just can't take it anymore, but suicide isn't an option. I cut myself 20 or 30 times and it just felt so good to be in control of something.

I don't know if I should just be grateful I feel better and continue or worry about it and stop.