My Mother

So this is sort of a follow up rant from a previous post. I've made a ton of mistakes as a child, my mother has caught me in situations where I now am embarrassed to even think about and mostly sorry for. My family isn't the kind of family that's going to forgive and forget, we might brush some things under the rug and we rarely express our feelings to eachother but we never really forget. So with that being said, I can see why I'm not my mom's favorite. I can see why she favors my brother, and this is not to excuse her because I know a mother should love her child unconditionally, but thinking back to the pain I've caused her and the look of disappointment and hurt on her face during these moments, I'm so so sorry for everything. I know sorry isn't enough and I wish I could say this to her face but it's just not something that's realistic, for many reasons. The point is, I don't blame her anymore, I'm okay with how things are because I know she still loves me and even with everyting that's happened between us here we are, still under the same roof, still helping eachother out, still mother and daughter. I still pray to God that one day we become really close and all is forgiven without having to bring it up, that one day we'll just have a day where it's just the two of us and everything is okay. I'm going to work on myself and my feelings towards her, and towards her with my other siblings. I've just come to the realization that we love each other despite everything we've been through and I am only hope that pur relationship is what I always pictured it as one day.