Does this sound crazy

I want to lose my virginity but to who? I don’t want to lose it to someone I love because if things don’t work out it will always be in the back out my head. I will be hurt for awhile I do know that. Actually a very long while.I’m not saying I want to lose it to a complete stranger but to someone I know but not in love with if you know what I mean. I’m gay asf and don’t really know how things would turn out. What do i do? How do I start? I’m just so confused. I know I’m probably not making sense but it makes sense to me I just need to hear that this isn’t crazy.