KINKY GIRLS please help

I have known for a minute I'm into alternative stuff in the bedroom. I'm not ashamed to tell my partners and have embraced my fetishes and kinks. I've tried to go on a couple of dates off this bdsm/fetish website and idk the guys are handsy and weird. I identify as a sub but mostly the brat-type, type A sub (a contradiction I'm aware of). Do y'all think I should go back to giving up forever and just focusing on vanilla life or should I keep trying to find the Dom for me?