I want to be done if this isn't my month...

I'm tired... I'm still three days until my missed period this month. It's so disorientating to see pregnant women, it always has been, it doesn't go away for me... Ah.. My miscarriage was over a year and a half ago and I was only 8 weeks but holy fuck my heart. These negatives break my heart. I know this is a shitty thing to say but if I'm not pregnant I just want to drink my pain away 😭😭 ladies PLEASE I need your support!! I don't want to give up but I feel like I'll have to unless I can figure out a way to deal with the constant heartache...