Every Parents Worse Nightmare

On November 1, 2017, I welcomed my beautiful baby girl into the world at 6:01pm, weighing 5lbs and 14oz. Throughout my pregnancy, I found out I had thalassemia and her growing rate was smaller than normal, so I was referred to see a high risk specialist. I gave birth about a week earlier than my original due date (11-10-2017). Everything went well during the day I went in for an induction, because I had talked to my OB about wanting to try going for VBAC, because I longed for a vaginal birth. Well, it didn't turn out that way. My daughter's heart rate starting to drop, so I had gotten another c-section (I had a previous one from my son a year prior), because better safe than sorry. Everything came out wonderfully on her part, she had a mild level of jaundice, but I guess it was at a lower level, because she didn't need the light treatment and we were released on the 3rd of November. Her 4 day old and 2 week old appointments went well. My recovery, not so much. Since my daughter was my second child, I went with the flow with things on parenting, except she was more demanding than her brother. And of course, I hardly brought her out the house when I had to do things because the temperatures were starting to drop. I probably took her out of the house, besides coming home from the hospital, about 7 times.

On December 18, 2017 was my 6 week postpartum check up. Everything went well, my OB gave me options to choose a form of birth control and to let me think about if I wanted to it or not, so I went home and spent time with my children until I had to leave to get their father from work. I remembered it being a really foggy day, because it was super thick. Later that night, she had the hardest time calming down and going to sleep. It was a little past 2:30 am before she finally fell asleep. Now, my daughter gets up every 2-3 hours, now matter what. December 19 ,2017 at 5am, her dad went to check on her and found her not breathing and wakes me up. We frantically try waking her up while calling 911. When they finally get here, they're doing everything they can until they finally couldn't. Sleep is such a hard thing for us to get, because every single day it scares us that we could lose our son as well.

We literally had gotten the nightmare of every parents lives. We had only gotten 6 weeks to spend with her. Just 6 weeks. And I question myself every day if there was something I could have done more for her to still be here. I question her and her brother's pediatrician on if it was SIDS, why there isn't a way to prevent them? If it's not a preventable thing, how can it have symptoms? Even if I did everything correctly, why is this around?

No parent, especially a mother, should born a child and have to say goodbye within a matter of weeks. If I could reverse time and go back to the moment I have given birth to her, I would do everything all over again just to still have her alive and well, and with me. With her brother and daddy. With the living.

Why isn't there anything to prevent SIDS? And why is it that a medical examiner will mark down the cause of death as SIDS if they can't find anything else? I know that the flu has been going around like crazy. Maybe it could have been just that because her immune system wasn't strong enough. Either way, there need to have an answer and more information about SIDS.

Rest in love, my little sunshine.