What should I do?

Question

I’ve asked my mum what she would think if I was bi but she said that if that happened it would probably be a phase. My dad, on the other hand, when I asked him what he would do if I like girls repeated to tell me all the reasons why guys are great. He was only calm because I said that I wasn’t gay but I don’t know how he’ll react if I fully come out.
His side of the family (apart from my auntie and cousins) are homophobic.
It’s quite funny that my auntie (on my mums side) suspects I’m gay and whenever my cousin makes insensitive jokes about gay people, when she’s around she defends them. Probably because I follow an LGBT+ support profile on instagram and she’s the only adult in my family that has it. When he makes the jokes I just have to sit and laugh while slowly dying inside.
My auntie on my dads side I don’t really know if she does but my cousin has friends who are part of the LGBT+ community (I think she only has like, 3 straight friends) and she’s fine with it.
It’s annoying to me that my outer family supports LGBT people more than my parents do and Its actually starting to get to me. I happy that I have people who support me but it hurts knowing that I trust my more distant family rather than my parents.
Just tonight I started crying in the shower and luckily I was washing my hair so I had an excuse to stay in so long. It’s just becoming so mentally exhausting.
I’m only 14 now, I’m thinking that I’ll probably come out to Mum and Dad when I move out so I have a place to get away from them. Or write a letter/text while I’m on holidays across the ocean. 
Thoughts on when and how I should?
(And tips on hiding a relationship would be good for the future😬)

Answer

i asked my mom what she would do if she had a gay child(im pan) she said that she would be very displeased and have them go seek help
just try to be undercover about it until the right time

Answer

Yea considering you already know your parents and many others in your family are homophobic I would wait until you have moved out <3. If you know your auntie who defends the bad jokes might support you it may also be good to tell her before your parents. Then you have an adult on your side if they don’t take it well. As for hiding relationships, around family just act like you would with your friends, don’t risk being flirty or kissin etc when your parents are nearby because you could risk being heard or caught. Then if you are out to friends make sure and be clear with them you aren’t out with family and they can’t know until you’re older. If you’re friends know and support you it’ll make it easier. It’s definitely a lot easier to hide things from family when you can at least be yourself around friends. 
I had told my parents when I was 17 and at first they didn’t take it so well. Because of that when I did actually have a gf I hid it from them and we were just friends to them. My mom did suspect we might be dating but that’s because the girl I was with was very openly gay. If I hadn’t come out I don’t feel they’d suspect anything. Also if that girl really was just my friend I think they still would have thought we were dating just because she was openly gay. 
I’m 22 now and thankfully my parents have come to accept that I’m not straight. They still don’t understand bisexuality and I don’t think  they ever will. But they are at least okay with me having girlfriends.

Answer

Hi, I’m also a fourteen year old with a very homophobic and transphobic dad and if I told him that I was pan, ace and gender fluid he would probably kick me out of the house. I feel your pain, sometimes I just break down and cry.I remember one day my friend was mad at me and was stay at my house but because she was mad at me she locked herself in my closet and left me alone to my thoughts and I just couldn’t take it anymore. Then she cane out and saw me under my covers and when she lifted then off she saw I was crying. It’s honestly hard as hell to sit there and listen to that shit and half the time you just want to scream at the person talking shit about you and your community and tell them to stop, but you can’t. It’s smart that you wait until you move out to tell them just because you might get hurt, you never know. Just wait. If they love you, they’ll except it and if they do t except, then find yourself someone better. 
Good luck out there.

Answer

wow you poor poor child. you have this whole secret and im here like im not coming out cause im afraid my mom wont let me have sleepovers or hangout with my friends. i do have a small feeling she might not approve since we dont really talk about this type of stuff so theres a chance

Answer

I’m waiting until I move out.

What should I do?

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