Okay so this is gunna be long so just hang with me everyone ♥️

I am 19 years old, I have a 3 month old baby I live with my fiancé 2 hours away from my hometown. Where my family and old friends are.

Ever since I can remember I’ve felt different from everyone els. My family and friends I didn’t have but 1 best friend from kindergarten till about 9th grade when she went off with new friends parting and acting like any other teenager that just started high school.

As for me. I was and still am antisocial.. I hate it so much. Ive tried making new friends hanging with new people but till this day I get choked up or I just feel like I’m not talking about anything interesting enough to have there attention. I’ve always been the weird chick in the back of the room I guess you could say. I’ve always been the one to keep to myself but not to be bothered by arguing or bullying bc well I stand up for my self. And a lot of people don’t like that. I’ve always seen it like this. Bullies pick out the weak so when you show a sign of weakness they come after you as there target. So me always being alone and quite or with a weird crowd they think I will roll over and take whatever is it they have to give. But like I said I’m not the one to be pushed to far.

My whole life I’ve been bullied it feels like.. my mom was on cocaine when I was little she use to have rolled up dollar bill on the coffee table almost every morning I’d wake up and as a young kid I thought having just 1$ I was rich. She would give them to me for school. I never knew the white powder stuff left on the inside of the dollar was coke..

My mom was a single parent for the longest time. All she had was me and my older sister. And all we had was each other most of the time. My mom had men come in the house almost every night and would send us to our room. I remember hearing my mom scream and I’d get so scared and tell me sister lets go help her. She would say no it’s okay she would either make me go to sleep or we would go outside and sleep in the yard..

My older sister had problems too. When my mom was gone for days at a time. She would be there with me feeding me bathing me and putting me to bed. My sister would leave in middle of the night and I wouldn’t hear her come back in till a few hours later. She would smell like beer and falling everywhere. To a 6 year old that’s pretty scary. From as long as I can remember my sister had always touched me. Made me do things I didn’t like but she would always tell me these things are normal for sisters to do. But if I told anyone someone would come kill me mom and her.

When I was 7-8 she left me. She went to live with her dad and we never spoke again.

We both have different dads

Time went on though after a few year my mom got with a guy now she has been with him for a long time 10-11 years or so he treats her nice. He never liked me though. He use to alway cuss me out push me or threaten me when mom wasn’t around and when I’d tell her he would say I was a lair. Evan though the bruises was proof. He would talk my mom into kicking me out all the time. When I was 13 I was beat he held me down while my mom striked my back. After that I seen them throw all my things in the yard. That night I walked with no shoes on 15 miles to a park where I slept under the pavilion.

When I was 15 they kicked me out bc I forgot to take out the trash thankfully I had a boy friend at the time he let me stay with him.

I moved back but again 5 month before my 18 birthday they kicked me out again and I’ve never went back I love with my fiancé now been with him for a few years.

I just found out this dark secret not to long ago. My mom was sexually abused by her dad. I also feel like he messed with my older sister and that’s why she did things to me.

My family I despise most of them. Now my grandfather more then any.

My whole life I’ve been damaged by the ones who was suppose to love me more then anyone.

My fiancé’s family have always took me in and treat me with love that.. I’m not use to. There so different from what I’ve seen it’s amazing I really feel cared for I guess.

My relationship with my mom is always rocky. I mean we are going through stuff now.. has nothing to do with me but it’s my fault I guess🤦🏻‍♀️ my younger cousin has accused my uncle of touching her a long time ago. And bc I said it might of really been my grandfather, my moms dad, she’s mad now. She back him up so much and it gets under my skin. I’ve always wanted to get away lose all contact with them but. My heart is to big. I guess I’m saying even though I have a fucked up family I don’t wanna see them suffer I love them still.