How do you feel about sex before marriage?

Question

I grew up in the church but I left at around 16. I’m 20 now and I kinda want to go back but I’ve had sex before marriage. It’s really hard on me emotionally but I think I do it because I want to feel close to someone but then I end up feeling worse than before. I can’t seem to stop doing it and I feel like I don’t belong in church because of it

Answer

This is how I see it... I don't go to church because I'm perfect, or because I live a perfect life, or because I never sin... I go to church to learn, to repent, to seek forgiveness and to try to change, and be better, so I can become closer to my Heavenly Father! That's what it all about sweetie...

Answer

When I was 18 my faith was really weak and I faltered. I also ended up in a bad relationship where I was taken advantage of sexually. It took me a long time to even realize that what had happened was sexual abuse and rape because I was suppressing everything and trying to pretend I was ok. I was angry and hurt and just wanted control back so I slept with someone else because it was my choice. That guy turned out to be the most amazing man I will ever meet and we’ve been together 2 years. 
We still have sex. And I’m back at church now. I do feel a lot of guilt for breaking my promise to wait till marriage and for continuing to have sex. But, my boyfriend would be really hurt if I told him I wanted to stop- he’d feel like he’d done me wrong which just isn’t true. So I carry that burned myself. And yes I enjoy sex and find it hard to stop. Which adds to the guilt sometimes too. 
No one is perfect. I believe god knows my heart and he knows I’m a good person. Yes this is one area I seriously messed up in, but I’ve also done a lot of good too. God sees us as a whole person- for our flaws and our perfections and the stuff somewhere in between. God forgives those that ask for forgiveness. And honestly, sex isn’t like committing murder or lying. It’s still a sin, but it’s not the worst one you could make. 
For me, talking to God helps me. Talking to one of the nuns at my church and going to confession helps as well. I still struggle and I still feel guilty about having sex. But I do not believe that this one mistake makes me a terrible person that doesn’t deserve gods love because even the worst of the worst are loved by God. If you can follow his teachings and be a good and kind person I believe you have every right to go to church. Church is all about forgiveness- at my church we ask for forgiveness every mass. Because everyone (including the priest) has sinned before. You’re not a terrible person and this one thing does not define you. Open up your heart and let God in. Let him guide you, maybe get help fro a priest, nun, etc too because they have so much practice at following God. But go to church if you want. Church is God’s house and it is welcome to all people.

Answer

I have done the same. But when I decided to dedicate my life to Christ he gave me the strength to stop and wait till marriage. YES it is hard to all the sudden stop once you’ve had sex. I couldn’t have done it without others holding me accountable, praying about, and the strength from God. I waited to have sex with my husband while we were just dating and I am sooooo glad we did. It was so much better, no guilt, no shame, just great spiritually bonding sex. You should go back to church! And don’t let anyone or yourself hold you back. The biggest thing I’ve heard is “church people” making sinners feel unwelcome because they live with their boyfriends or are having sex. Don’t let anyone make you feel that way. Everyone is a sinner and that’s why we need a redeeming Father.

Answer

Sex before marriage is wrong and we are encouraged to have the self control to keep ourselves from doing sinful things. But you shouldn’t feel like you can’t get closer to God because of this. God welcomes his children with open arms, like the prodigal son. Whenever you’re ready to come back to your Heavenly Father he will be there with open arms waiting to let you in again. But you must make a conscious effort to stop doing the bad things you were doing before. Because the bible clearly tells us that we must repent of our sinful ways if we want to gain God’s forgiveness. So it’s not enough to just go back to church and pray for forgiveness and still carry on having sex while not married. That would mean you’re not taking God’s forgiveness provisions seriously. 
You mentioned that you don’t want to stop because it will hurt your boyfriend. You need to ask yourself who you want to please. Is it God or is it your boyfriend? God created you and he gave you your life. Shouldn’t he be your priority? If your boyfriend really loves you and cares about you he will help you to mend your broken relationship with God. God made sex for married couples to enjoy within the sanctity of marriage only. I suggest u have a serious conversation with your boyfriend and set up some boundaries. You guys can always get married if you really feel you cannot keep your hands off each other. But the right thing to do is very clear. Good luck.

Answer

I think you should be able to do what you want with your body without feeling guilt. I’m in a sexually active relationship and I’m completely happy with it.

Answer

You can go to church and go for the forgiveness of your sins, instead of thinking you perfect. Everyone in the church has sins, made mistakes, no one has had a perfect life. So go and ask god for forgiveness instead of going to make your life more perfect

Answer

God loves you and you shouldn’t feel unworthy because of sinning. We all sin and we all fall short from the grace of God. I think you should actually go to church and speak to the pastor about your troubles. Definitely read your bible and pray. You still wait for marriage. I am and whenever there’s temptation pray and talk to God about it. Invite the Holy Spirit in before you make a decision to sin.

Answer

Sex before marriage is a sin. I can relate to how you feel because yes I had sex before marriage as well. I always felt guilty but I knew God loved me. However, the Bible tells us we must repent of our sins. Meaning we need to stop sinning. If you want to stop having sex you just need to pray for God to help you in this area. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help you walk away from sexual temptations. Also control your mind. If you are thinking about sex  or lust then you are going to eventually end up having sex. So try to control your thoughts. Your relationship with God is more important than having a boyfriend. If your boyfriend can not respect your desire to stop having sex then you need to go solo.

Answer

The reason why sex before marriage is taught is because boys stay boys for a very long time. Even as they get older there is no reassurance they will treat you right etc. however if you’d marry him, and he’s shown you who he is, there’s no doubt he’d be a great father (in most cases). I’m not married and I’m due in 5 days, not one person from either of my at home parents churches made degrading comments about how I wasn’t married. In my opinion marriage before kids, yes go for it, because you have all that time to hangout and do life with your best friend, you get the see them under pressure, stressed out and having a baby is a lot of juice I’ve heard. So marriage I think kind of prepares you for the other craziness that comes alone in life. However I also know God doesn’t call everyone to marriage, and bringing a new life into this world it’s makes no sense how He could frown upon it in my eyes. I just know God’s character wants what’s best for his children, and sometimes if that commitment hasn’t been made (I know even if it has been made) there’s never a for sure way of knowing everything will stick together and work out. People change and I think relationships are easier to throw away in some peoples eyes even if there is a child involved vs a marriage

Answer

I’m 15, and I am currently being raised in a Christian home. It’s weird to admit but since I was young (8-10) I was sexual. Me and my friends would kiss and dry hump, and I didn’t feel it was wrong. I would watch porn all the time since I was young and I really do feel like that messed with my head a lot, and effected how I act. Once I found what I was doing was wrong, I stopped doing stuff with my friends, but I’d still watch porn. I then figured out what orgasming is, and I kinda had a strange addiction. I would orgasm like 5 times a day. Until one day I found my old bible, and out of curiosity I started reading. I fell in love with Christ. I couldn’t stop reading. And that day, I bought made a promise to myself, that I want to stay a Virgin till I’m married. How I see it is, it’s a personal choice. And it has alot of pros, but the cons are... it’s soooo hard. I still struggle with wanting to have sex and constant lustful thoughts, but I’m trying. You said that you’ve already had sex? But that’s okay. God forgives us and we are pure again. This is just my view. Best of luck😊

How do you feel about sex before marriage?

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